Voice, 7.22.21

Using my voice, feeling truly heard by the people around me, and feeling like what I had to say was in any way important or significant, has always been an area of insecurity for me. It may stem from my youngest-in-the-family status ( my brother and sister would regularly pay me a quarter to "shut up" in the car!). For most of my life, I thought I was just supposed to let people interrupt me or talk over me because that's what I had always done. Really, I think lots of things contributed to it. At this point, though, the cause isn't important. The important thing, in my case, is realizing that it ultimately led to some deeply held, and deeply rooted, anger and that this anger needed to be dealt with. I needed to learn to use my voice in a positive and constructive way.

Much to my surprise, one thing that helped is starting this blog.  It was 2012, I had no idea what I was doing, but I read that I needed to have a blog to sell my art. It started pretty clumsily, but then, suddenly, and surprisingly, words began to take up more space than the art. Words just began to spill out of me. Suddenly, I felt like I had a voice and it was being heard. It was such an outlet for me. I finally felt free to express myself. But, then, the criticism came - mainly from people who had known me all of my life. They were confused because what I wrote didn't sound like "me". They didn't get it and I knew that, so I let it go. (Or so, I thought.) From then on, I noticed that I started second guessing myself because there was now a "fear of criticism" filter. But, still, I wrote.

Then, my life entered an all-time-high, crisis mode. Lots of drama that I won't go into here, but it was a perfect storm of every ugly thing any group of people could say or do to each other. The result? Let me put it this way: it was like 10 of the most important people in my life got on a bus and drove off of a cliff. That is, honestly, the only way to accurately describe how it felt.

Talk about trauma. I will never be the same because of it. At first, I believed that nothing could ever be good again. BUT, the pain led to some really good things in my life- deep shadow work and self-inquiry, a new-found understanding of forgiveness and compassion, and a steadiness that I've never had before. I'm so grateful for all of that, but the one thing that is still lacking is my ability and desire to write. In that area, I still feel like an empty shell of my former self. I've been afraid of revealing too much of myself and my words being taken the wrong way or misinterpreted. Most of the time, it's a struggle to string even a few interesting words together.

Enter this book, Bird by Bird : Some Instructions on Writing and Life by Anne Lamott . Just the fact that words are, again, spilling out of me as I write this, is kind of a big deal. I haven't finished the book yet, and this is not a book review post, but since I am already benefiting from it's insight (and I REALLY want to be an Anne Lamott in my next life!), I am going to highly recommend it.😉

I also need to give a shout-out to my former student, Micah Larsen. Micah writes a lot about the importance of being vulnerable, open and honest in your work. Without having read and heard that many times from her over the last few years, I probably would not have felt comfortable writing this.

Selfishly, this post is another therapeutic one for me. If you've made it this far, thank you for sticking it out! But, in all honesty, I share because reading what other people share has helped me so much- whether it's referring to a how-to post, catching an inspiring quote on Instagram or just relating to a raw, but real, personal story. In the end, it's really all about using our voices in any way- writing, speaking, creating, etc.- to connect with each other and to help each other feel less alone in this world. 

Have a great weekend 🤗

Be still. Be Strong. Be Happy.

Juli

Altar Spaces, 7.10.21

 I'm pretty much obsessed with the new altar area I set up on the wall next to my bed. We moved the bed closer to the wall, which meant that one night table had to go. To replace it, I found these two narrow wall shelves at a local resale shop and decided to use them more as an altar rather than something to store my junk. (For that, I'm using a small basket, hanging closer to the floor.) My goal, before the new school year starts, is to turn our bedroom into a restful, peaceful place, so, hopefully, I'll start going to bed earlier. We'll see how that goes!

If you're wondering what makes an altar any different than any arrangement of items on any table or shelf- it's all about intention. When you are very intentional about the items you place on your surface and how you show up and respond to it, an ordinary table scape becomes a sacred space.

I've had an altar in every home I've lived in for several years now. The altars  I set up serve as a reminder to come back to myself, take a deep breath and become present in that moment and be grateful for what I have, who I am, what I am able to do,etc. If you'd like to set one up in your home, you don't need anything specific- just a surface,a quiet corner and a few things that hold meaning for you. For me, balance is very important,too, but that is my own, personal preference, as I'm always thinking like an art teacher!

For the altar in my bedroom, I have a small lamp, a baby plant that I just brought back to life and one item from each of my kids on the shelves. On the walls around it, inspirational art work and one of my favorite photos of me and my husband.

 For the altar space in my yoga room, I usually try to incorporate the five elements: earth, fire,water, air and spirit. In the case below, candles for fire, the singing bowl and sage smudging wand for air, the plant for earth, a stone from the beach in Hawaii for water and a little Ganesh (remover of obstacles) statue for spirit.

But, the same space could look completely different by changing up the placement and bringing in a few different objects. It's fun to let it evolve, changing things up each time you clean the space

Do you have an altar in your home? I would love to see it! 

I'll leave you with a few more photos of my altars over the years. I hope it inspires you to create your own!😌

The temporary altar I set up in our RV.

In a corner of our current home.

Another small altar in our current home.

The altar in the yoga room of our previous home. (I miss this room!)

Have a great weekend!

Be Still. Be Strong. Be Happy. - Juli

Mutation, 7-3-21

I’ve been reading and hearing a lot, lately, about the need to be open to change, re-adjust, re-do, etc., as many times as needed in order to land in the perfect place- whether that place is your home, yourself, your business or whatever else you might be creating, building or improving upon. Sometimes things must fall apart a little in order make space for new possibilities. Sometimes that process of mutation will  never really end, if your end goal is to create something of lasting value.  

This is good news for me! I’m definitely one who thrives on mixing things up, trying things out, changing my mind, and starting over. It’s all a process of transformation to finally land where I'm meant to be. 

Since I’ve been closer to getting this home studio up and running, I’m feeling like it’s time to re-brand and re-evaluate what I’d like to offer, how I’d like to offer it and when I’d like to offer it. The first step in this re-evaluation was setting up the temporary studio space as if it were permanent, as we wait patiently for construction to begin. The second thing my husband and I re-evaluated was my desire to have a mobile studio and shop for the art side of my business. That desire is still there, and will happen, but I had to be honest with myself about the time I currently have available. The answer is- not much! I also had to be honest with myself about my ability and desire to drive this huge vehicle myself. The answer is- it scares the hell out of me! I also had to admit that if I wanted it to move, my husband would have to do it. I’m not about to put anything else on his plate, so we made the decision to sell it and wait patiently for a smaller, easier to handle vehicle to serve as my mobile shop.

It makes me really sad to let this place go. I get really attached to my homes- even this one on wheels! It was truly an adventure living here for four months. Looking back on it, it’s hard for us to believe we actually did that!

Do you have a “re-evaluate” or “re-do” story? I’m  pretty sure, after this past year, a lot of you are in that boat with me, right?! I’d love to hear about your process and how it’s going for you!

If one of your end-goals is your own home on wheels, this is a good one! And if you know of a smaller living/working space on wheels, let me know 🤗.

Stay tuned for re-branding info. As usual, my wheels are turning! 

Have a great holiday weekend! 

Be Still. Be Strong. Be Happy. - Juli 

P.S. if you would like to see the RV, we will have it open this weekend, during the Weekend of Blues at Blumenhof.🤗

Let's Talk Lists, 7.1.21

 So...  let's talk lists! A few weeks ago I spent time working through @within.thyself  Ten Day gratitude challenge, listing 10 things I am grateful for each day. It has really made me think about the importance of list making throughout my life. I have probably written about this before, but I'm sure it has taken on new meaning since then, so here I am! 

Handmade journals are the best! This one was handmade and gifted to me by Danielle Snider of Washington, MO.

I am a journaler. I would never really have considered myself a journaler, ( I don't journal on a regular basis and in no organized way, whatsoever) but the box full of notebooks filled with magazine clipping, thoughts, quotes and, yes, lists, proves otherwise.  I think my journals resemble my brain- unorganized, with so many ideas, presented in random order. Have you heard of "brain dumps'? They are basically just taking every random idea and letting them spill out of you and onto a page, in categories.  Well, my journals present themselves as a series of  brain dumps. A way to process and unload an overload of ideas and inspiration. 

My husband, who is super supportive and patient with me as I ramble through so many of my ideas and plans, recently made a statement that made me stop and think- "You have too many ideas and hobbies, you should probably find a way to narrow them down.". This man knows me well and he knows how important my "down" time is, so I took his comment seriously. With too many things on my plate, my anxiety sometimes gets the best of me. Even though I am very aware of this, sometimes it takes hearing it from someone else for me to do something about it.

We had that conversation in early spring and since then I have made some decisions in order to scale back and simplify my life. I spent two months away from social media and have been taking time to just reflect and begin to sort through and purge my large assortment of art and sewing supplies, yoga and meditation books and, really, anything that doesn't serve a purpose in my life right now. What has been the most telling, though, is looking back at my journals from almost twenty years ago and noticing common threads. When things are written down- in my case, in list form (or brain dump form!), it is easy to see what has stayed and what has gone and what needs to stay and what needs to go.

Do you have old journals? I challenge you to break them out and start making your connections. At the very least, you will be entertained! But, most likely, you will end up with some insightful and very useful information 😃.  ( Then you could start a new list!) If you are at any kind of crossroad in your life and unsure which direction to take, this information could become your roadmap. What a gift, right?!

Now, I'm off to make my new list! Have a great weekend!

Be Still. Be Strong. Be Happy.        Juli